Check it out

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fad6eZTDikA

Here is the link to the story.

To first land “X” in the pokey were some narcotics violations that were awarded to him courtesy of a certain white girl that he has yet to dump (cocaine). While out on bail, ole Earl enjoyed a nice raid on his house to once again land himself in cuffs; this time for Michael Vicking his back yard. Thats right… just after the most notorious scandal since the Juice and his unfitting glove, DMX was charged with Felony Cruelty to Animals… WHILE awaiting trial for his narcotics violation.

THEN, (here comes the bomb) after all of this, “Don’t Mess with X” was caught using a different identity at a Scottsdale Health Center to rack up over 6 GRAND in medical bills. NOW, “Earl”y bird is being charged with Felony Identity Theft!

MEANWHILE, he was transferred to Florida for OTHER drug related court appearances and has been rumored to have had a stroke! I’m guessing he’s not Irish because I see no luck. This then forced “X” to miss an Arizona court date (add that to the list of several others he didn’t feel like going to as well). Here’s the kicker: the once, ultra-popular gangsta rapper needs a public defender to sort through his mess!

Where does (do) the judge(s) begin with Earl Simmons aka “DMX”, aka “Please God Send Me to Prison”? What a Douche.

Russell Brand, do I need to say more? Apparently I do and I will keep this as direct as possible. For those of you who have read my previous postings you know that the Detroit Douche gets pretty worked up at times and this is no different.

Russell Brand is a flat out Douche Bag; I do repeat this guy is a hard core Douche Bag. Seriously, look at the picture that is at the top of this posting…this is him on a good day. This is what he looks like when he gets up in the morning and looks in the mirror. How can he not feel like a Douche Bag himself? So from the land that brings you crooked teeth, bad breath, drunken soccer fans and Simon Cowell; they also bring you the biggest Douche Bag in all of Europe.

Where do I start, is it the bad hair that looks like he was electrocuted and hasn’t washed it in 4 months, is it molester moustache, is it those gay ass tight pants that he wears, or is it the belt that he wears over his hips on an angle like a chick? This guy has issues and I did my research to find out…good ole Wikipedia says “His parents separated when he was six months old. Brand had a quite isolated and lonely childhood.” Go figure, another messed up person who had a messed up childhood; what are the chances? This is just like that scene in Big Daddy when Adam Sandler and that little boy he is watching make fun of the guy in the Trench coat walking through Central Park. They yelled to him “its ok, your dad still loves you” and he starts crying. This is that scene in real life, Russell Brand had a messed up childhood and it turned him into the biggest Douche Bag in Europe.

Parents Divorced + No Dad present + Lonely Childhood = Douche Bag

Not only is this guy not funny, you can’t understand a word that he says. I know that the Brits have an accent but you can’t make sense out of any two words he says. Its kind of cool listening to most of them speak and the perception over here in the States is that they usually sound more intelligent, until you here this stuttering idiot. I don’t think he can speak with out mumbling. Oh, that’s right; his parents weren’t around to give him the proper support in the house when he was a kid so he grew up not only a Douche Bag but one that can’t speak either.

Now to the part that gets this guy from Detroit a bit riled up, he had the balls to talk smack about our current election. I guess that shouldn’t be a surprise with the fact that we have a so called second coming in Barrack Hussein Obama and he is a fan favorite throughout a majority of the socialistic European Union. But this Douche Bag who is not even from our country was low enough to talk about the current contending VP’s 17 year old daughter. Get a life you dirt bag, again; I will revert back to what I said in the opening paragraph…look at yourself in the mirror. Not only are you ugly you are not even funny. Do your self a favor and go see a shrink and a speech pathologist.

I could go on but I don’t feel like writing any more, Russell Brand is a Douche Bag who needs to go back London, watch soccer, drink beer and eat fish and chips like everyone else on that island in the North Atlantic.

Until next time,

The Detroit Douche

Diddy Blog, Diddy Blog, Diddy Blog! Wow, what have things come to when Diddy has a weekly video blog? Well for those of you haven’t been watching the news this past week, you’ve missed a lot. Sarah Palin was welcomed with arms wide open by the American people and John McCain was viewed by almost 1 million more people than the second coming; Barack Hussein Obama.

In the mean time, the left was furious that a normal woman with conservative values was on the ticket. And guess what….she is good looking, smart and people like her. She has been getting attacked in the media like no one has ever seen. Its ok to question her worthiness to be on the ticket but not Barack Hussein Obama’s; how ironic. So a day or two goes by, she gets blasted by analysts on CNN, MSNBC, the New York Times chimes in and she gets shut down on the covers of US and People magazines. We’ve seen it all right? Think again, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, Puffy, Sean John…oh I mean Diddy decided to chime in. Fell free to see him in his finest work by going to youtube and search “Diddy Blog”.

Lets just say he puts together such solid arguments as “they aint no crack heads in Alaska” and “Palin aint got no foreign policies”. Wow, I don’t know about you about you but those are some compelling arguments from Diddy. Hearing people like him is embarrassing to the people of the United Sates. I understand that we have freedom of speech but times like this make me wonder if it should be keep to a certain IQ level.

I had no idea this clown had a Diddy Blog but apparently he does and let me tell you, he seems like quite the intellect. I never really paid too much attention to him but I gave him some credit. He has had a few decent songs but let me stress the phrase “a few decent songs”. After hearing his blogs you will realize why this guy is a dumb ass and you will hopefully, like me; realize how in the heck he ever made it as far as he has. It is evident when you hear his dumb ass talk that he doesn’t have an ounce of education to his credit. It also becomes very clear that the only reason he ever made it was because of Biggie passing away. It’s sad, but true! The Diddy Douche was a nobody until he made that song I’ll be Missing You. Can’t you remember? He was that tool in the video with Biggie and his only line in the whole song “tell your friends to get with my friends and we can be friends, is that ight witch you?”

The length of this posting could be of epic proportions but I will keep it short for the Douche List’s sake. There is a pretty funny response from a comedian about the Diddy Blog if you want to check it out Will Hatcher is his name http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3IfYxZyF1g

Diddy, do us a favor; keep your ignorant rear end out of politics until you can argue a point that is some what relevant. The more people like you chime in and sound like a complete imbecile the better it is for the for McCain Palin ticket. So in your words, “Vote or Die” you may be better suited to take the latter.

If you haven’t noticed he took that blog down ASAP because he was hammered so quickly by the Obama supporters. Could you imagine if a white conservative would have called out Obama?

Keep yo head up ya’ll! I’m sure Diddy will strike again

Sincerely

The Detroit Douche

1. Beat up Vanilla Ice
2. Violates probation quarterly
3. Lost the most successful rap label
4. Signed MC Hammer
5. Got 2 Pac Killed
6. Got Biggie Smalls Killed
7. Paid someone $5K to punch Dr. Dre in the face
8. Got pulled over doing a U-turn and had the sticky icky icky in his car
9. In 2006 filed bankruptcy.  The bankruptcy papers stated his bank account had $11, and he owned clothing worth $1,000, furniture and appliances valued at $2,000, and jewelry worth $25,000.  The key to this is his jewelry was worth more than anything else he had.  Complete Douche.
10. Last but not least he was recently knocked out by a man outside a club after Suge and his homies jumped this man.  The man One Punched Suge.  Lets take a look at the Tale of the Tape.     Marion “Suge” Knight 6’4’’ 300+ lbs   VS Man who knocked him out  5’11’’ 220lbs.

I am not sure how many of you are Hip Hop fans but I am, and I had the pleasure of watching all of this take place since the 90’s.  This unfortunatley does not put Suge in the Hip Hop Hall of Fame; however, it does place him in the Douche List Hall of Fame.

Douche #2 proceeds to tell me that he wishes that there was something else he could do to expedite the repairs; then takes it upon himself to explain the definition of the word expedite. I told him that I was glad that the “word-a-day” calendar that mommy bought him was being put to good use, and to shut the %^&* up and get my computer fixed, and off I went. My wife and I stopped by my aunt’s house so my wife could finish up the remainder of her school work. My aunt told me I should call Toshiba to see what they might offer. I called them and explained the situation to the operator. The operator told me that our call wasn’t being recorded, and that they always urge their customers to purchase Toshiba products from Circuit City, AND that Circuit City stands behind their extended service plans; Best Buy RARELY does. The Toshiba person told me that it was too bad that I went to Best Buy before them because there was a service location that would’ve had the laptop repaired in 36-48 hours.

Naturally, I got the name of the place, their phone number, and I was on my way back to Best Buy. It felt nice to walk back into the store to see The Douche’s standing together behind the “customer service” desk. I told them that I wanted my laptop back, and they had the balls to ask me why. I told them I wanted to take it to the gun range for target practice. Douche #1 told me that if it was used as a target, that the warranty would probably be voided. I told them they don’t stand behind their warranty anyway, and left. I took the computer to the place that the Toshiba Rep reccommended, dropped it off, and before I got home, the laptop was already repaired.

Needless to say, I have NEVER been back into a Best Buy again, and NEVER plan on going back. Six months later, I bought a Sony Vaio from Circuit City along with the extended service plan, and mailed a copy of the receipt to Best Buy U.S. headquarters with a letter explaining why I chose to spend $2100 at Circuit City instead of at Best Buy. Three months later, I received a letter from Best Buy that basically said “sorry about the service you received, and to feel free to call them to talk about it. I called the number they provided, and left a voicemail…..that was 4 months ago. No call. I had a problem with my disk drive on my Sony shortly after I purchased it. I took it in, and was told that the disk drive used in my Sony was on a 5 week backorder. Instead of making me wait 5 weeks, they backed up everything I had on the computer, and gave me an in-store credit to purchase a new computer. The General Manager personally took me into the computer department and helped me. The computer I picked was an extra $116 with the extended service plan included. The GM waived the extra money and sent me on my way.

That’s how you take care of people. EFFFF YOU BEST BUY.

I don’t think Brett DoucheFavre ever recovered from that episode with Vicodin.  He has made more ched (pardon the pun) then anyone in Green Bay history, yet he makes a decision to come back after deciding to retire  after deciding not to retire, after, oh God, does Vicodin make you indecisive or what.

How about poor Aaron Rogers.  He carries Brett’s jock strap for 4 years, keeps his mouth shut, and finally gets his shot, only to have BDF come riding in on his white horse, err…………private jet and turn Rogers world into a pile of well………old, disposable douches.  It’s just not right, but it’s typical of professional athletes who think their crap doesn’t stink and they are entitled to anything, anytime.

BDF should have taken the $25 million marketing payment from the Packers, done his damn Wrangler jeans commercials, and been on his way.  Go back to Mississippi, sit on the front porch, and mix some beers with the pills.  If I was a Packers fan, (which thankfully I am not because I won’t wear a G..D.. piece of cheese on my head for anyone) I’d be royally pissed and boycott any game that Brett plays in.  No wait, instead of boycotting, throw Lindberger cheese on the field.  I hear that really stinks although I’ve never actually smelled it, but that’s what he deserves.

When he cried at that retirement press conference, they were tears of joy.  He knew he was pulling a fast one on everyone and he couldn’t contain himself.  He did his best Dick Vermeil and everyone in Cheesetown USA fell for it.  That retirement story had more holes in it than a damn block of Swiss cheese.  (sorry, that was bad but I couldn’t resist).

SPORTS IS LIFE, BRETT!  and you are totally screwing up the beginning of the football season up.  That is dangerous territory you are in with common douche bags like me.  Steal my wife, drain my bank account, hell, you can even drink my beer and use my painkillers.  But DO NOT screw with my football season.

For that Brett, you are official dubbed Brett DoucheFavre.

Congress hits up our latest addition to the D List

What a joke they have become over the past 2 years and the stunt they pulled last week was the epitome of their ridiculousness.

They just went on vacation for 5 weeks, let me repeat that people….5 weeks. Congress has a 5 week vacation in August and they left without doing anything about the current oil prices. Who in the world gets 5 weeks vacation other than school teachers? Oh yeah, its congress. That is fine by me if you are doing you job, which they are clearly not.

They came in office for change and to stand up to those evil republicans and that terrible president Bush who lied to everyone. They said when gas over $2 that they were going to come in to DC and lower gas prices and most importantly end the war. Well, here we are 2 years later and the prices haven’t come down and they continue to fund the war that they said was based on lies and deception to them and the American people. They said they would work bipartisanly and they haven’t. Pelosi’s tree hugging, grouchy, arrogant rear-end shut the lights out on congress this past week when not only the Republicans but some Democrats as well were trying to get something going on this drilling issue before they go on their little siesta for over a month. Sounds bipartisan to me Nancy, good work.

Oh, did I fail to mention that the congress’s approval rating is the lowest it has ever been for any political division of the US Government. They are currently sitting at 14%, that’s absurd. 86% of the US people do not support them. What do you think about when they claim to be the party of change? They haven’t changed anything they said they would in the 2 years that they have been there.

I’m glad Nancy Pelosi and her bug eyes want to save the planet but the people who she supposedly stand up for, “the little guy” are barely making ends meet because gas prices are so darn high. A direct relief in oil prices would come if she allowed them to vote this past week. The president did his job when he lifted the ban on off shore drilling; now they have proven once again that they don’t support any separation of foreign dependencies.

Obama went on the record as saying “drilling now will not help the current situation, and that the oil will not even be available in some cases for up to ten years.” Well, where will we be in 10 years? Right where we are now saying that we are 10 years out from having anything for ourselves?

It will help the prices and they will begin to drop immediately. Once these foreign countries and suppliers see us taking things into our own hands they will reduce prices because they don’t want to lose us as customers. It is basic business; if you have competition you lower your prices. If we take the steps to go after oil that we know we have and where it’s located; such as off the coasts and in ANWAR, we will all benefit and jobs will be created in the mean time. No one is just saying drill, drill, drill!!  But we need to do so in the short term while we are developing more nuclear, wind, clean coal and solar alternatives. Its part of the equation that Obama, Pelosi and the Democratic congress want nothing to do with. They have historically proven that they do not support utilizing our own resources and they second that motion this past week. Way to listen to the needs of the American People Dems!

So let’s get to the bottom of this, the true reason why they did not have a vote this past week. If you have been watching the poles; the latest one has revealed that John McCain is dead even with Barack Hussein Obama at 44%. Barack Hussein Obama has been losing ground in the poles for over a month now and in the past couple weeks after his first trip to Afghanistan and not seeing our wounded troops at Ramstein in Gemrany; he has lost 9% points. Barack Hussein Obama, like the rest of the far left does not support drilling. If they would have voted, there are enough Democrats who support drilling and enough Republicans that they would have had to allow offshore drilling. This is a vote that Barack Hussein Obama would have to vote against and not support. In this area of the race he is losing ground and losing it quick. He, along with the Democratic Party could not afford to have that vote come out in favor of the Republican Party. They figured it would be best to go 5 weeks and let it go to the wayside for a bit while the Hype Obama tour continues.

So there it is; the Detroit Douche has laid it out for you. My rant is over! For now we have a failed congress led by Pelosi and the Democrats who have not passed one notable piece of legislation since they have been in office, and they are on vacation for 5 weeks with gas at $4.00 a gallon. Yippy! Politics just got in the way of politics…go figure.

Meet Jim Bullard, professional douchebag.

Having forced the door down to get a job with his company, he quickly rose through the wanks, and accelerated through to an upgraded position as Junior Douche operator as he developed a deep understanding of the post douche process, and proved himself to be very adept at douching and design - especially when tempted with snippets of mutton and veal.

Damn. What a douche.

Note: this post is not sponsored or created by TheDoucheList bloggers and is not verified to be accurate in douche claims. For questions, comments or complaints, please email us.

The Douche List isn’t always about hating on people, of course when you deserve it you will get it though. In this post I’m going to lay out a few people who The Douche List has identified as Non Douches. Congrats to those who have made the initial list:

Ben Stein – Who doesn’t want some of Ben Stein’s money?

Sylvester Stallone – “Adrian……I love you”

Chuck Norris – We all know that Chuck is super human

Lynn Swann - Super Bowl Champion and Super Bowl MVP

Jerry Bruckheimer – Days of Thunder, Top Gun, Pearl Harbor and CSI to name a few

Stephen Baldwin – Believe it or not there is a sane Baldwin

Dennis Miller - SNL cast member and voted as the worst Monday Night Football announcer ever!

Freddy Prinze Jr. – I love teen movies from the 90’s

Bruce Willis – Die Hard, The 6^th Sense, and Planet Hollywood Restaurant Mogul

Kelsey Grammer – Cheers and Frazier are both sweet!

Tem Selleck – Magnum PI and he drove a Ferrari, he is the epitome of an 80’s Stud!

Bob Richie (aka Kid Rock) – He is an American Bad Ass

Adam Sandler – Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore, need I say more?

Jessica Simpson – She is just plain hot

Oh, I forgot to mention that all of the names above are fellow Conservatives! There is a small glimmer of hope for Hollywood.

Have a great day,

The one and only DetroitDouche

Don’t question the Detroit Douche, here are your updates:

This is an excerpt out of the Detroit Free Press on how the Detroit Mayors lead attorney just walked out on him because he knew this clown didn’t have a case.

“Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s lead attorney in a whistle-blower lawsuit said Monday that he decided he could no longer represent the mayor after learning the true nature of text messages Kilpatrick exchanged with a top aide.”

- By M.L. Elrick - Free Press Staff Writer – June 10, 2008

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080610/NEWS05/806100348

What a surprise, the Hockey Douche is out of a job too. Wouldn’t you know that the pending lawsuit I mentioned was brought up too.

An excerpt out of the LA Times by Lisa Dillman, Staff Writer – June, 11 2008

“He gave Crawford the news in the morning and said it was a difficult day. In addition to a horrible season, Crawford was pulled into the headlines of the Todd Bertuzzi-Steve Moore lawsuit in November.”

http://www.latimes.com/sports/hockey/nhl/la-sp-kings11-2008jun11,0,4112777.story

Sincerely,

The Detroit Douche

The Spaghetti-Strap Loose Wife-Beater at the Gym Guy: I really don’t think anyone should be shirtless at the gym, and any piece of clothing that doesn’t conceal your nipples should not be considered as a shirt. Although, not all these guys are douches when you talk to them, I do believe they have a higher douche frequency than a normal shirt wearer. If your tattoos can be counted without you taking off your shirt and if Jean-Claude Van Damme (JCVD) would blush at your gym gear, you need some additional fabric. * 1980’s Equivalent: Mesh Wife-Beater at the Gym Guy.

Sunglasses at Night Planned Outfit Guy/Girl: Unless you have some sort of vision impairment or vision enhancement (i.e. Vin Diesel/ Pitch Black), it just needs to stop. Even Corey Hart would be ashamed and rightfully so. If you haven’t had personal experience with the sunglasses at night crowd you’re in luck. They tend do be silent and not “I’m shy” silent, but the “I’m awesome” silent. At least take them off when you drive! Shades will not hide your doucheness from us ladies and gentlemen. * Additional Exceptions to the rule: Vampires, the cast of The Matrix, and Kanye West.

I’m in love with a Stripper Guy: I don’t frequent these places by any means, but I’ve been known to go once…maybe twice a blue moon. It seems to me that there is always someone that thinks the stripper is into them so it justifies their five ATM visits. Occasionally they are really into you but don’t bet your bank account on it. This won’t brand you Douche-for-life but easily puts you into the Douche-for-a-night category. Holster your wallet for a while and see what happens. Everyone knows that when a girl is really into you they don’t want your money…right? Ok, maybe this is harder to detect than I thought so just play the averages. Here is the formula: # of “dancers” have you actually dated that you met at their work, divided by # of times you’ve been to the strip club= you’re a douche. It’s simple math. Learn from your mistake and adjust slowly back into the non-douche world. * Fun Fact: Two for ones…not a good deal.

Extreme Cock Blocker (CB’er): CB’s are common occurrences in certain social environments, but there is a difference with the Extreme CB’er. Not only is it impossible for this person to initiate a conversation with a woman, but any of their friends hooking up seems to ruin their night. When Mr. Extreme senses any kind of chemistry he immediately goes into action. Whether it’s behind your back or directly in front of your face doesn’t matter to him. His ultimate goal is you going home alone, just like him. They should be proud or happy for their boys, it’s rare that people connect but it’s even rarer that Mr. Extreme misses a block and he has a reputation to uphold. For some strange reason everyone still likes you Mr. Extreme so grab your inferiority complex…let’s go to the bar. * Mr. Extreme’s Archenemy: The take one for the team wingman.

Nick Cannon is a Tattooed Douche

Believe it or not this is kind of a difficult one to write. I actually like the following person, I feel like he has done some pretty cool things for a young guy. He has had a few hit songs, and has a pretty funny show on MTV. One time; myself and SirDouche actually attended a super bowl party where he was the guest DJ. Ok, enough of kissing this guys butt….Nick Cannon is a douche and he will solely take the title of “The Tattooed Douche”

Nick Cannon; for those of you who don’t know, recently tied the knot with Mariah Carey. I will get to that terrible mistake in a minute. But lets get to the reason why he is currently the laughing stock of all tattoos. His dumb ass went and got “Mariah” tattooed clear across his back from shoulder to shoulder. What in the world possessed this man to do such a thing? Was he high or drunk when this happened? I hope he has a good explanation but for some reason I don’t think one is coming.

And Mariah of all girls, why her? I know it’s the new Hollywood thing to be dating older women but she is “Tore Up From The Floor Up”. Every rapper and thug in the music industry has had a piece of her and she is more like 40 miles of bad road now. But hey who is the Detroit Douche to judge anyone? I guess love is in the eyes of the beholder, and oh yeah, “one mans trash is another mans treasure”.

Nick, do yourself a favor…get out of this, cut your losses, get some big ass tattoo to cover up that mess of a name you have on there now and go back to Wild n Out and make some funny shows again. Until then, you are officially on The Douche List.

The one and only,

Detroit Douche

Alright, this entry could have easily been made a couple of years ago but we didn’t come up with the genius idea of “The Douche List” until recently. There are a lot of douches in numerous sports around the world but if there was one for the hockey world this tool would take the prize hands down. If you don’t already know by the Picture, it’s the one and only Marc Crawford.

Granted this guy has had some success, let’s not forget to credit him with winning the “Holy Grail” of professional sports…the Stanley Cup; which he won with Colorado upsetting Detroit on the way to their championship season in 1996. But the things that he has done behind the bench are about as classless as they come. And how he has been able to hold a job in the NHL is beyond me. The only other Donkey who can compare to this guy is the one and only Tony Curtale who unleashed Jeff Kugel onto the ice after a brawl had already taken place in an OHL game in Windsor Ontario. Did I mention that Jeff Kugel only played in 46 games in the OHL and he was 6’ 7” 265lbs? For some reason I don’t think he was there to score goals. Long story short, he chased down a few guys and beat them to a pulp.

Okay back on track, Crawford first started his antics with egging on Claude Lemieux to play dirty against Detroit in 1996 when took Kris Draper out from behind. This resulted in a broken jaw and numerous face injuries to Draper. This is just a minimal incident compared to what was to come later in his career.

For those of you who don’t know the culture of hockey, there is a time and place for fighting and certain situations when they need to take place. Also, players will do what their coaches tell them to do, usually no questions asked. Which leads me to the biggest reason why this dude is a douche….

In February of 2004, Marc Crawford; while coaching the Vancouver Canucks unleashed Todd Bertuzzi on Steve Moore of the Colorado Avalanche. Now, the thing that you need to know; which made this total B.S. is that Moore paid his price by getting in a fight in the first period to pay for an incident that happened in the previous meetings from the teams. In the hockey world this usually means that the score is settled and that “the men have settled their quarrel”. However, Crawford being the senseless and Dirty Douchebag that he is sent Bertuzzi after Moore again. Moore repeatedly said that he didn’t want to fight again; so Bertuzzi sucker punched Moore in the back of the head. (when he was skating away) This in turn knocked out Moore and forced him to the ice which also resulted in a broken neck. This ended Steve Moore’s hockey career and almost cost him his life.

All of this was the result of Marc Crawford, being the boss behind the bench and telling a knuckle head like Bertuzzi to go out for more after the score had already been settled. Just so you don’t think that this is just me rambling on…there is still a $19M lawsuit in the works as we speak.

So in American Beer Commercial Terms “We Salute you Marc Crawford, the Hockey Douche!”

Sincerely,

Detroit Douche

It may be a little cliché that my screen name is also the nick name of this joke of a politician from the armpit of the Midwest, Kwame Kilpatrick a.k.a. “The Original Detroit Douche”. Unless you hail from the state of Michigan or you’re a fellow metro Detroiter you probably haven’t heard the latest news coming out of the Big Mitt. If it wasn’t for the war in Iraq, the slowing economy or the battle of the sexes in the Democratic Party you would be hearing about this Douche Bag all day long. This guy roles in a posse, has diamond earrings in each ear and became the mayor for Detroit because of his street cred at the age of 32.

He is currently in the mix of a major scandal where he has cost the city of Detroit tax payers in excess of $9 million dollars. This guy’s wrap sheet never ends, so here is a run down of some things this clown has managed to do in his 5 years in office:

• He lied under oath in the whistle blower case costing tax-payers in excess of $9 million dollars
• He had an affair with his chief of staff
• He had a party at the Mayors Mansion in Detroit where a stripper ended up dead
• He allowed a friend to over bid on construction contracts and guarantee he would get them
• He used the “N” word in one of his speeches
• He spent $200k from the city to upgrade his pool
• He campaigns during every chance, i.e. such as when when Rosa Parks died the week before the Detroit Mayor election. He ultimately won a race he was behind in the poles up until her passing; at which time he used it to campaign and gain general public appeal.
• He has questionable vacations and travel expenses, yes, all using taxpayers money
• And not too mention he didn’t follow proper security procedures from the White House and tried to muscle himself and his posse in President Bush’s motorcade a few years ago. Ultimately he wasn’t let in and he had to ride with the press in the press van that has 4 bench seats and holds like 12 people in it.

The list goes on but you get the point - this guy is a super Douche. Needless to say, this dude has it coming; and like Elliot Spitzer he should just cut his loses and get the heck out office. Way to go Detroit, you have successfully failed again.

Sincerely,
DetroitDouche

A few days ago I found myself at the gym getting a quick workout in when something struck me. Everything was going fine until it came time to use the chest press machine and I noticed a particularly horrid sight. The douche bag guy on the machine before me marks his territory with a foul display of over-exertion. Sweat. But not a normal slight moisture graze, it was more like a running faucet of nasty bio fluid running off his head all over the machine. I’ve got nothing against people who sweat a lot. But if you’re going to create a bacteria party all over the machine, at least have the decency to wipe it down with a towel to make it usable for the rest of us. Take a look at the picture I took of this sight, it was that bad that I actually got out my cell phone and took a picture. So, gym sweat guy - I officially pronounce you a premier member of the douche list.

So I get an iPod a little while ago at Best Buy. I’ve had two nano’s before this one, so I know the routine…they last about a year and either die or you drop/break/crush/scratch it until it’s not usable anymore or starts making a noise reminiscent of a dying panda. So to cover my bases I pick up the Best Buy Extended Warranty, and if you know anything about Best Buy, you know where this is going. After having my iPod for a while, the battery starts fading pretty quick. Then about a week after that, my iPod starts pausing randomly and will not become unpaused until the battery is dead. Good thing my battery only lasts an hour or two, because if it lasted the full 6 to 8 hours, i’d have to wait nearly an entire day to unfreeze my iPod.

Finally after frustration builds to a level justifying me spending the time to dig out the Best Buy Extended Warranty paperwork, I grab the iPod, the paperwork and a vitamin water (that stuff is amazing). I get to the store and wait in line for about 10 minutes, not too bad really. I hand the guy in the service area my iPod and the warranty and ask if they can exchange it. He asks whats wrong with it and I tell him it freezes randomly, and also that the battery is dying. He hits play and it plays for about 10 seconds. He says, “well it looks ok to me, maybe it works now.” I look at him and repeat, “no, I said the battery dies quickly and it freezes randomly.” He responds, “well, it seems to be working now, so there isn’t much I can do.” So, of course, my frustration builds. I respond, “Look, can you just test it, or take my word for it.” He says that they can wait for the battery to die and then charge it and wait for it to die again. Or he says, they can ship the iPod to the service center and I can get it fixed in about 4 to 6 weeks. I’m pretty annoyed at this point. I ask him “So you are telling me, I can either sit her for 4 to 6 hours while you wait for the iPod to die, then charge it and wait for it to die again, or you can mail it off for 4 to 6 weeks…and this is what I paid extra for called “the Extended Warranty”? I ask for the manager, the same story.

So I decide to suck it up, and deal with it. But ah-ha…now “Best Buy”, more like “Worst Buy”, everyone knows the truth. Best Buy - you are officially a Douche Bag. End of story.

Oh, and if you really want another reason they really suck, check out this article describing Best Buy using an internal Website with different pricing than the public internet to trick customers.

HD DVD loses another major battle in the high def DVD war. In the DVD wars, HD DVD (Toshiba’s High Def DVD offering) was thought to have a head start and the support of a financial giant. It might have, but at this point it doesn’t look like it’s going to be possible for HD DVD to come out on top. I barely remember the Betamax versus VHS debacle of the 1980’s, but VHS came out on top (from what i’ve heard) because the porn industry went to VHS. The porn industry has gone to Blu-ray, as have a ton of other major players. The latest to go to Blu-ray (backed by Sony) include Warner, Best Buy, Netflix and now - Walmart. Here’s WalMart’s check-out blog talking about the decision. Sucks for you HD DVD…and I liked the name better too. Oh well. I’m loading up on Blu-ray disc’s from Blockbuster right now. All said and done - it looks like HD DVD is emerging as the Douche of HD Dvd’s.

Update: 2/16/08 - Looks like this has happened even sooner than I thought. HD DVD has been put on hold from Toshiba, pending what i’m sure will be a lengthy debate over why and who really screwed this up and how they thought that a few movie studio’s and Toshiba could beat Best Buy, Netflix, Blockbuster, Sony and now Walmart. Walmart was the blow that put it over the edge. RIP HD DVD, you were a short lived, annoying douche of a format for High Definition DVD. Wow, I really need something better to put on the douche list. Here’s the New York Times article about HD DVD going the way of the buffalo.